The Principal's Handbook

Reflecting on Leadership: What Have You Learned About Yourself as a Principal?
[00:00:00] In today's episode, I wanna talk about reflecting on your leadership and what you've learned about yourself as a principal. That's all coming up next on the Principal's handbook.
Welcome to the Principal's Handbook, your go-to resource for principals looking to revamp their leadership approach and prioritize self-care. I'm Barb Flowers, a certified life coach with eight years of experience as an elementary principal. Tune in each week as we delve into strategies for boosting mental resilience, managing time effectively, and nurturing overall wellness.
From tackling daily challenges to maintaining a healthy work life balance. We'll navigate the complexities of school leadership together. Join me in fostering your sense of purpose as a principal and reigniting your passion for the job. Welcome to a podcast where your wellbeing is the top [00:01:00] priority.
Well, welcome back everyone. Today we are going to be going through a reflection on our leadership and there has been quite a few podcast episodes, , recently where we're doing a lot about reflecting and goal setting and really thinking about ways that we wanna improve as a leader.
And one reason that I think this is so important is that we spend so much time being busy, especially as principals. The job of a principal, you're , go, go, go all the time that unless you're intentional, it's really hard to just sit back and reflect on it. And so, this year actually, , if you don't know, if you're newer to the podcast, I actually was an elementary principal for the last six years and an assistant principal before that.
And I stepped back this year to do life coaching full-time for principals. And then, , I was home coaching and it was great, and I loved the flexible schedule, right? We always wonder as a principal, like, what would it be like to have a flexible schedule? And it was awesome. It's been [00:02:00] awesome having a flexible schedule.
I have two little kids. I have to tell you, I miss leadership. And so for me, having some time to really reflect, I realized how much I love leadership. I mean, I always thought that, but when you step away, it kind of gives you that perspective. And so I realized that I missed leadership, and so I've had a lot of time to reflect and think about.
What kind of jobs I want, what are the things I wanna do? And, and really when I think about it, I love the job of a principal. It's been one of my favorite jobs in the fact that I love building relationships with kids and teachers and parents. And I get that leadership role. I get to lead a building and, you know, really help make a difference.
And so, , I think it's important for everybody to have that time to reflect. And like I said, I know I've had a little bit more time as I have. Taken this year to focus more on my coaching business and things like that. But I, I encourage you this summer for you to take that [00:03:00] kind of time for reflecting on your leadership and.
I just really think it's crucial for your own growth that you know, areas that are your strengths and weaknesses, things you like about the job, things you don't like about the job. Okay. And when I'm talking about things you like about the job and things you don't like about the job, I have conversations with principals.
I coach about this often, and I think it's really important, and I always had to do this for myself as a principal, is that we have to think about. The task that we like as a principal, as the things that are going to energize us and keep us moving forward. , Because, so for example, for me, I never was a huge fan of discipline.
I changed my perspective, so it was a little bit better. But my favorite things were all instructional leadership based. I did my PhD and my dissertation was about instructional leadership. You know, I got my master's in curriculum and instruction. I think it's also part of having the background in teaching, ?
We wanna make a difference when it comes to instruction. [00:04:00] And so that was always my focus. And one of the things I loved about being in the building that I was in is I had a lot of opportunities to be a true instructional leader, not just for my building, but I was able to help a lot in the district. , When it came to the science of reading and.
You know, helping teachers improve reading instruction and math instruction and. I always looked at that when I got to lead professional development for the teachers in the district as this is what's filling my cup right now. Tomorrow when students are back in the building, I'm going to be doing discipline.
And I know I won't like that, right? But right now I'm doing the parts of the job that I love. There's always gonna be parts I don't like and parts that I like. And so I just, when I was. Doing the things I loved, I had to have it fill my cup. Same thing with just being with kids. Right. You know, I always joke with principals and even myself, when a parent would yell at me, I'm like, I need to get into a classroom and see kids and remember why I do [00:05:00] this.
Because it's easy to forget. , Why would I be in a job where I'm just gonna get yelled at? Right? It doesn't make sense. But then you go around kids and you remember, because I'm making a difference in this building. I'm leading. , These teachers and helping to give the best education to these students, right?
So you have to get back to that purpose. You have to find the things that fill you up. And so if you really take the time to reflect and know what are those things, and what are the things that really drain energy from you that you need to make sure you're constantly filling yourself up, if you're an assistant principal and you do a ton of discipline and you don't love discipline, you have to find the things you love and just do that when you can between the discipline. Okay. And it's not always. Super easy, but I am telling you, you have to get caught up in task that you love too, as much as you get caught up in task that you don't love.
And really that comes from being more proactive versus reactive. , So taking that time to slow down, reflect, [00:06:00] think through what are the parts of the job that fill you up, and what parts deplete you. Also taking some time to think about your emotional awareness as a leader. We don't think about this a lot, but I teach my clients that your thoughts create your emotions, which create your actions.
And so our emotions are driving our actions and our decisions all the time. . You know, we try to think that they're not, and we really do try to push emotions to the side, which is good because we wanna lead in a way where emotions aren't dictating everything. But at the end of the day, we have to notice, are we leading from a neutral emotion, which we hope we are, , versus a high negative or even a high positive emotion.
We really have to be neutral. And reflecting on where your emotions are coming from. You know, I can think about times in my career where I've been frustrated, and if I'm leading from frustration and frustration as an emotion, it's not gonna be [00:07:00] near as good as if I'm leading from a place of wanting to help students.
Right. , So we have to think about what those emotions are that really drive our actions and decisions. , And then take some time to reflect on you, how you handle stressful situations, both positive and negative, and a lot of situations. I think I'm really good at it. But I noticed something about myself, and I've talked to some other principals that they can relate to this, and this is very similar, is we don't let our emotions out because we want to, you know, be in that neutral emotion state, right?
Keep our emotions to the side, but then there's never a time to release them. And so there comes a point where you might just. Cry or have a way that you have to release your emotions, whether it's anger or whatever. And I've had this, I remember being a new assistant principal, and I dealt with so many behaviors back to back.
One time I just shut my office door and like cried. I was like bawling for 10 minutes because it was almost like I kept it together and then I just needed to release [00:08:00] it and then I let it go. Same thing. I was, working through, we had a teacher that we actually lost in our building to a battle with cancer, and I constantly had to stay in this professional place and not let my emotions drive things.
But I did. I had a moment, you know, with even my superintendent where I just lost it. It's like, I needed that. I needed that release. Right. And, and sometimes I, I laugh looking back at this, I remember Covid specifically. But the buses pull away and I have that release of emotions on the last day of school.
Like we made it, this was a tough year. We made it right. , So. You know, and, and we just wanna have ways to release those emotions as much as possible. 'cause like I said, we try to push them to the side so that we can be as subjective as possible as leaders, but knowing what that looks like for you, how to release them.
Maybe it's through exercise or talking to people or, , just having some time for yourself. I'm an introvert. I need time to recharge. By [00:09:00] myself. , Other people need time to recharge with other people. So just know yourself, know what you need, and have that emotional awareness as a leader. , And then really think about what have your reactions been throughout the school year and what do they reveal about you.
So, , you know, this is a really interesting. Thing to think about because sometimes you have a reaction that kind of surprises you if you give yourself some time to think about that. I've had times where, you know, I, I've been reactive towards staff for something they say and then it kind of like takes me back , .
That I reacted that way. It wasn't my normal reaction or how I would normally think. And so reflecting on, you know, maybe when you got defensive or maybe when you were frustrated, and why did that frustrate you? , When you feel a strong emotion about something and have a strong reaction, just take some time to think about that and reflect on that.
Where during the school year did you have strong reactions? It's really interesting. I always notice I have strong reactions related to curriculum, ? Because that's something I'm passionate [00:10:00] about. , But I've had strong reactions to certain student discipline things, right? It just hits something for me, , that you just need to be aware, you need to know.
And then moving forward, you'll be able to handle that in a more neutral way where you don't have such a big reaction. So take some time to really think about what reactions you had during the school year that maybe you didn't like and, and what are some ways you could improve on that? And just knowing that about yourself is gonna just make you self-aware and an even better leader.
And then think about the toughest moments of leadership that you had, you know, those difficult conversations, those super stressful days. , Managing conflict between kids, parents, staff, whoever, you know, what challenges made you rethink leadership or how you approach leadership. I know for me, , like I said, we lost a teacher my last year of being a principal, there was so much reflection on that, you know, how that whole situation went down and handling that because.
I've never handled that. I've [00:11:00] never had a teacher who was sick with cancer and how to do that, you know? And so , we take these experiences and we have to reflect on them and know that next time we'll know better, right? All we can do is take our experiences, learn from them, and do better next time.
And so that's really my goal with all of this, is having these challenges, learning from those challenges, and moving forward. I think about a lot of difficult conversations I've had. , Some I think I handled really well. Others, I mean, some of my first difficult conversations as a new principal, I just laugh.
It's so cringeworthy,, but reflecting on them made me better, reflecting on them and thinking about how I hated what I did in that situation and how I never wanna handle it that way again. There was too much emotion involved, that made me do it better the next time. So the challenges that we have are really frustrating in the moment, but when I think about it, the more challenges I've had as a principal, it has just made me a better leader because I've been able to reflect on those challenges and move forward [00:12:00] over time.
And then really the last thing I just wanna encourage you is the more you take this time, like I said, to know yourself. And reflect on yourself and think about what you wanna do moving forward for the next school year, is really going to help you be a better leader.
It's gonna help you if you mentor other principals, assistant principals, whatever, it's going to help you mentor better. It's going to help you lead better. It's going to make you better and better. And so I always said I hated when these challenging situations came up in the moment, right? Like, why do I have to deal with this?
Hard situation is where my brain would go, but at the end of the day, one, it's part of the job. These hard situations are always going to come up. So if you have the expectation that they're not, that's just crazy. But two, it the more difficult situations you're dealing with day to day, the better leader it's going to make you.
And you're not gonna see it in the moment, but you're going to see it over time. I've seen it as I've mentored and [00:13:00] coached principals that the, the experiences that I coach them on or, you know, examples that I can share are all from really hard situations. And if I went through my days as being a principal and every situation was the ideal situation and really easy to deal with,
I wouldn't have the leadership skills that I have today and what I'm sure you have as a building principal. So take time to be grateful for those challenges that you've experienced in the last school year. Take time to process the emotions, the reactions you've had, the challenges you've had, and really learn from all of that.
, I'm big into journaling, so go through this and really think about it. You know, if you're listening to this and walking or driving, go through it . And journal as I talk about it. Go back and listen , and journal about your challenges, journal about your reactions, journal about your emotions, and take some time and sit with that, because remember, all of this is leading you to the process of becoming a more effective and authentic leader because.[00:14:00]
You become more authentic as you know yourself as a leader, you know what works for you and what doesn't. Nobody can tell you that because you have to know what feels good for you, what emotions you experience, how you react to things. You are the one who knows yourself the best. The more you know yourself, the more effective you'll be.
Thanks for listening to the podcast. If you found this helpful, share it with a friend. Have a friend reflect on this as well. I think this is a great episode for Summer to just really reflect on your leadership. And if you love the show, if you're listening on Apple, scroll down in your app, leave a review.
That's how other people find the podcast. But keep in mind, you have the power to shape your life according to the mindset you choose. I hope you have a great week, and I'll see you here next time.
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