The Principal's Handbook

Shifting Your Perspective as a Principal
[00:00:00] In today's episode, I want to talk about how to change your perspective on different situations. That's all coming up next, right here on the Principal's Handbook, .
Welcome to the Principal's Handbook, your go-to resource for principals looking to revamp their leadership approach and prioritize self-care. I'm Barb Flowers, a certified life coach with eight years of experience as an elementary principal. Tune in each week as we delve into strategies for boosting mental resilience, managing time effectively, and nurturing overall wellness.
From tackling daily challenges to maintaining a healthy work life balance. We'll navigate the complexities of school leadership together. Join me in fostering your sense of purpose as a principal and reigniting your passion for the job. Welcome to a podcast where your wellbeing is the top priority.
Welcome back to the podcast. Today we're going to be talking about how to shift your perspective on. [00:01:00] Different situations, and I think this is such a great topic when it comes to coaching, because changing your perspective to navigate challenges really does enhance your leadership.
As a principal, I did a podcast episode on Leading With Optimism, and it was one of my highest listened to podcast episodes because people really liked how you could lead with optimism through positive leadership. And so. That got me thinking a lot about something that I talk to a lot of clients that I coach about perspective shifting and how to shift your own perspective, and then how to even coach teachers on shifting their perspective because this is helpful for teachers that you work with.
It's helpful for students, parents, even circumstances that you're dealing with, and so there is a lot of demands that you face as a principal, right? The role can be very overwhelming. There's a lot of emotions, a lot of conflicts, a lot of burnout. And I always share that you have to find the things that bring you joy and energize you.
That's the only way you're going [00:02:00] to be able to sustain this role. If everything you do are jobs that you don't enjoy, then you're not going to last as a principal. But if you find all the things that you do enjoy and really dig into that and focus on it, that can be really helpful for.
Helping the role be more sustainable , and really preventing burnout. But another thing that you can do is shift your perspective on certain situations. So I want you to think about what is a perspective shift and why does it matter in leadership?
If you think about it, our mindset is. So important and it shapes our response to stress and different challenges. One thing I coach on is that our thoughts create our emotions and actions. So if we have negative thoughts, it's creating negative emotions and negative actions. And so if you're able to shift your perspective, shift a thought into a more positive thought, you're going to have more positive emotions and actions.
And so it's really more about questioning the. Stories that we tell ourselves because we all tell ourselves some sort [00:03:00] of story. I realized one story I told myself as a principal is this job is so hard and the more I, and I'm not saying that being a principal is not a difficult job, but the more I told myself this story that it so hard, the harder it became because that was my perspective on how I dealt with everything, is that it's so hard.
And if you think about it, you hear it from teachers and people all the time, like, oh, I wouldn't want your job. But they're not also seeing all the good things that happen. Right. And so we have to use that to shift our perspective and shift, , the stories that we tell ourself. Because one thing I've realized actually after I left being a principal is one thing I miss so much is the busyness of the job.
I love jobs where I'm busy like that. I love jobs that I'm on my toes where I have to think quickly. It challenges me. It helps me grow. . I think we can look at that as a negative thing. Like there's so much to do. I have to make so many quick decisions. It's too hard. But what if it challenges you and makes [00:04:00] you grow?
What if it makes you a better leader every day by being a principal? Okay, so thinking about things , in a different way and really questioning what stories we tell ourself because at the end of the day, our thoughts. Just become a story that we tell ourselves like, this is too hard. I'm not good at my job.
, These teachers don't care. Parents don't care, right? These are really just stories that we're telling ourself. And so if we are going to be a true leader, that we influence and impact our teachers, we wanna have a growth mindset and really be the person that can shift our perspective. To lead and influence others in a positive way.
So a simple shift in our own mindset really can impact our emotional wellbeing, the relationships that we have with staff, parents, and other school leaders. And it's going to help you lead more effectively. So I wanna start by talking about , two different people who talk about perspective shifting.
That has helped me a lot. So, Byron Katie is. One of them, and she is a life coach and she has a book called [00:05:00] Loving What is, and it's a coaching book, , it's a great book and I highly recommend it, but she developed a simple and powerful method for shifting your perspective when we feel overwhelmed or get stuck in negative thinking or stuck in negative stories that we're telling ourselves.
So her four questions are focused on is the thought true. Can you absolutely know that it's true, which I love because of course we're always like, yes, that's a true thought, but can you absolutely know that it's true? Can you prove it? How do you react? And what happens when you believe that thought? And who would you be without that thought?
And I think those are all good questions to think about because like I said, if you have the thought that leadership is so hard, being a principal is so hard, who would you be without that thought? Would you be a happier leader? Would you be a more effective leader? , Would you think that maybe leadership is easier than that?
You know, so who would you be without that thought? So I wanna use an example that, let's say you are overwhelmed by the thought. I'll never be able to handle all these [00:06:00] emotional teacher issues and I'm recording this podcast at the end of the school year. When you listen to it, you might be done with school, but we know at the end of the year there's a lot of emotional teacher issues.
So if you're saying, I'll never be able to handle these, or I can't handle all these issues. Is it true? Well, maybe not right, because you kind of have to handle 'em. . Can you know it's absolutely true. No. Some teachers might respond better to certain situations and you can respond to those situations.
Not every teacher's emotional, right? How do you react when you believe that thought that you'll never be able to handle all these emotional teacher issues Well. You're probably feeling overwhelmed. You're probably feeling stressed. You might feel disconnected from your teachers because you have this negative thought about them.
Who would you be without that thought? Well, you'd be someone more confident in your ability to manage your emotions and see other people's emotions and help [00:07:00] them and guide their emotional intelligence. Right. You're probably going to feel more connected to the teachers because if you can get rid of that negative thought, you are going to connect with them better.
So then you have to shift your perspective from feeling like a victim of that circumstance to taking back control. I. Right, and reminding yourself that's not true. I absolutely can handle the emotional teacher issues. So you're just flipping that thought really to a new thought. That's the opposite. So the opposite of I'll never be able to handle all these emotional teacher issues is I will be able to handle all these emotional teacher issues, or maybe it's, , I'll be able to handle.
It some emotional teacher issues. Not everybody's emotional, right? So what would be the opposite? Another one is John uff. He has a book called Soundtracks, the Surprising Solution to Overthinking. This is also a great book if you wanna dive more into positive thinking, but he refers to, , [00:08:00] soundtracks.
It's just like Byron Katie says the stories that we tell ourselves, but it, he's saying soundtracks are repetitive thoughts we have in our heads that dictate how we approach challenges. So it's like a broken record, right? We have a soundtrack that plays over and over, and these soundtracks keep us stuck in patterns of overthinking and prevent us from taking action.
And so a recurring soundtrack could be, , I'm never going to be able to get these behaviors under control. These kids are never going to stop coming to my office. For behaviors. And the soundtrack, what it does is it feeds into frustration and a sense of failure. So you have to find a way to stop that soundtrack.
And one of John's, strategies is perspective shifting. So he talks about creating a new perspective, coming up with an opposite thought, just like Byron Katie. That's a new soundtrack that you can practice playing in your head. So instead of saying, , I'm never going to be able to get these behaviors under control, you're gonna switch it to.
I've [00:09:00] successfully implemented behavior systems before and I can do it again. Or I've successfully reduced behaviors before and I can do it again. Okay, , you're going to change that perspective. And by changing that soundtrack in your mind, you're able to shift from feeling defeated to feeling capable.
'cause again, that thought creates the emotion, which creates your actions. So how you're feeling is based on the thoughts that you're thinking. So I want you to think about what are those common thoughts? What are the stories, the soundtracks that run in your mind as a principle that might be limiting you or, , making you feel like you're not good enough, not doing enough, right?
And What can you do to change that soundtrack in order to shift your perspective? Another thing I tell principals a lot to shift their perspective is to activate empathy. And, , I come from the early childhood world where we're, you know, elementary principals and a lot of people get upset , and they're empathetic people, but they get so stuck in their own perspective of it.
But if [00:10:00] you switch that and think about having empathy for that other person or situation, it really can help you have a different perspective. And I think as an empathetic person, , you know, I'm a naturally empathetic person. This is actually can be a problem. I can see someone's perspective so good that , it sometimes can be harder to make a decision, right?
Because you're thinking about that person's perspective so much. But when you activate empathy, you're actually shifting your perspective.
Let's give an example of a teacher's who's struggling. You're thinking of a teacher who's struggling, and you have these thoughts as a principal. Like, why can't they just get it together? Why can't they do their job? It's not that hard, right? And that mindset, that story leads to a cycle of frustration.
You're judging the teacher, it causes you stress because you're thinking, why can't they do this? But if you choose to activate empathy, it might help you switch your perspective to what might be going on in this teacher's life or the classroom that's making them struggle so hard. I. [00:11:00] What supports does this teacher need to be successful?
And having that kind of empathy and getting curious about it is going to help you have a conversation with that teacher that could help one, build connection, shift that perspective and figure out what's going on with that person. And think about it from a situation perspective, what factors could be influencing this situation? Are there systemic challenges in the school that make it difficult for teachers? Is it the schedule? Is it that they have a harder class than normal?
Is it that they've been out more than normal and absent? What is that? But the more that you can shift your perspective to empathy and curiosity and getting curious , and wondering, okay, what could be going on here? And questioning that, not only is it going to help you connect with that person, but it's going to help you get to the root of it instead of being frustrated, stuck in it.
The other thing is we need to have empathy for ourselves. So I'm a very empathetic person, but I [00:12:00] often struggle to give empathy to myself. So if you think about this. A lot of times we're our own worst critics, and we tell ourselves these stories, right? And a lot of times we tell ourselves stories like, I should have done that differently.
I should have handled this better. I'm not doing enough in the job. And these are just self-critical thoughts that are going to lead to burnout. And instead, you could shift your perspective and have empathy for yourself. Have empathy. , I'm doing the best I can in a challenging job. What do I need to do to be kinder to myself during these tough moments? Or I also like to tell principals, you make the best decision you can in that moment. I. And if you don't like it later, you can do your best to fix it. But you know what, A lot of times we have to make quick decisions in a moment and we do the best that we can.
So just reminding ourselves of those things and having empathy. So I wanna go through some more common challenges that principals face and how to shift your perspective. So again, I, I talked about this a little bit earlier, but teachers' emotions, and I'm [00:13:00] talking about this because this is a huge thing I coach on, is, you know, teachers bring their emotions into the workplace.
And it can really feel draining. I have a podcast episode about. , How to deal with staff emotions because it really can feel draining to constantly manage those staff emotions. And so I had to shift my perspective a lot and view those emotions, view the teacher emotions as opportunities to support and develop emotional intelligence in my staff.
And I used my coaching knowledge, and I know not everybody you know, has that, but we all as principals are coaches. And so really learning to coach them emotionally. Teachers need that, you know, and I realized that when. My counselor was doing a lesson with students on, , emotional intelligence, and I thought, we didn't get this as students, like our kids are now, and now we have adults who don't necessarily have these skills, and so we have to talk about them.
I need to coach them on that. We've also used them as staff meeting topics, but you also have to [00:14:00] remember that you have to create emotional boundaries, and you're not in charge of somebody else's emotions. You can't control their emotions. You can support them. You can coach them through it. But at the end of the day, you are not in charge of somebody else's emotions.
You also have to empower your staff with tools and then model your own positive emotional management. If you're negative and not managing your own emotions, then it's not a great way to deal with teacher's emotions. But if you can model being calm and collected, it's going to help your teachers as well.
Another challenge, you know, dealing with angry parents. Parents can get angry, they can get upset, and they are emotionally charged when they come to your office sometimes. And you have to shift your perspective. It can be easy to have thoughts like, this parent is crazy, this parent doesn't care, this parent hates me.
But what if you just saw your parent as a partner and not somebody that is against you? And it really helped me perspective shift when my superintendent said to [00:15:00] me. Parents are not always logical when it comes to their children, and I thought, that's so true. I'm not always logical when it comes to my kids, right?
We're protective of our kids. So when I had that empathy, that different thought, it really helped me think about a parent who came in yelling instead, I just listened and let them talk and vent. And I had this thought in my head, parents are not always rational when it comes to their kids, and by listening actively and validating their concerns before responding, I was usually able to deescalate them and then we could actually build connection and move forward.
Okay. Also, setting clear boundaries. If you can't get the parent to calm down and they're just yelling at you, yelling negative things, you know, even on the phone, don't have that conversation. You need to get off the phone. You need to tell them you'll meet with them another time. But you want to make sure that this conversation's going in a positive direction.
, And also use proactive communication strategies to minimize surprises. So the more proactive you are with. Communication. That also [00:16:00] helps as well. So if you have a situation, call the parent before they call you. , Another one is discipline. Coming to the office, I laugh. Sometimes I would get so frustrated with discipline and my mindset about this was like, come on, kids, get it together.
You know, or teachers stop sending the kids to the office. But then I was talking to my friend who's a principal, and we were laughing about a discipline situation because, as adults we're. Watching this situation unfold with a fourth grader. She's telling me this story and I'm thinking, oh my gosh.
Like I can't believe that student did that. That's so crazy. Of course, she's gonna get caught. But we have to think they're kids, right? They do dumb things because they're kids and they're learning. And so when I had that perspective shift that like I'm helping them learn through these situations, they're always going to make mistakes.
We make mistakes as adults, so of course little kids are going to make mistakes and you know, middle schoolers, high schoolers. So if we can change our perspective and reframe from being re reactive, have more [00:17:00] proactive things in place, but also just having this. Thought in our head that these, these situations are gonna come up.
That's part of my job and I just need to be ready for them when they come up. , And have your systems in place. You know, what systems do I have for addressing these behaviors? You're gonna train your teachers for. PBIS, tier one or whatever your district does, but you're gonna have systems in place.
You're gonna do the best you can, but when these situations come up, you just have to have the perspective. I'm working with kids, they're not always rational, right? Just like parents, they're gonna do some things that doesn't make any sense, or you would think they know better, they shouldn't do this, but you're working with kids.
It happens. Okay? So you have to shift your perspective and just try to be as proactive as possible. Another thought I wanted to share is if you're feeling burnt out and questioning if being a principal is even the right path for you.
Maybe you're like, I don't know if I wanna do this anymore. I don't know if this is for me. I don't know if this is a [00:18:00] district for me. I. , And you're just going back and forth on this, I will tell you, the more you go back and forth on it, the harder it is to be there. You have to make a decision that if you're gonna be there, that you just have to have the perspective that this is the right place for me or this is the right role for me.
, And I always tell people , if it's not, go look for another job. Leave education, whatever, like you have to do what is right for you. I think too often we do things out of people pleasing versus what is right for us, but really think about what is the challenge you're facing and then you have to shift it.
If you're in that job for that year, you have to shift your perspective to, I get to be here every day. I get to lead this building. And sometimes just looking at the teachers and looking at the kids and interacting with parents, I would think. They trust me with their kids. And so having that perspective really helped me realize the importance of the job.
And it helped me like ref, it helped me reflect on my why, why I wanted to be a principal, how this is a [00:19:00] fulfilling job, right? And there were really hard days. It wasn't always easy to do that, but I always shifted myself back to how lucky I was to be where I was at. So just some tools for, so just some tools for practicing.
This is really journaling the negative thoughts and then practice shifting the perspective, so you have to become aware of what those negative thoughts are. What are the stories you're telling yourself? I really want you to take some time to journal or just sit and think about it. Go for a walk after school.
Think about what are those negative thoughts you tell yourself about teachers, parents, kids, and then where do you need to shift it, write 'em down and come up with reframes. , I like to think about different affirmations as a reframe. You know, I shared. , An affirmation with parents. I would say parents aren't always rational when it comes to their kids.
That was just a neutral thought about parents, right? It wasn't good. It wasn't bad. It's just a statement that I would say, and that would help me shift. It could [00:20:00] be, I get to be here at this job today. I get to make a difference today. So have those little statements that you use to practice shifting. I do this with time management too, right?
When you wanna stay after work every day. . Principals deserve a life outside of school. Like I have little mantras like that that I use in my eight to four principal blueprint, because if you wanna shift your thinking with time management, you have to have different thoughts about how you use your time, how you think about school.
So it's just constantly thinking about, , what perspective do you have about this person, this situation, and how can you shift it? So I really want you to think about. What are your negative thoughts? What are the negative stories you're telling yourself, and where do you need to shift your perspective today?
I hope that you found this helpful. I would love to hear about any perspective shifts that you try. You can email me at barb@barbflowerscoaching.com. I would love to hear about that. You can also find me on Instagram at Dr. [00:21:00] Barb Flowers. , If you love the show, if you're listening on Apple, scroll down in your app and leave a review.
That's how other principals find the show. Keep in mind you have the power to shape your life according to the mindset you choose. I hope you have a great week, and I'll see you back here next time.