The Principal's Handbook

Welcome back to the podcast today. We're going to be talking about comparison and Teddy Roosevelt says comparison is the thief of joy. And I love that quote because I think it's so true.

When we compare ourselves to others, we take away all the joy out of everything that we're doing and gratitude out of what we're doing. . I really want to talk about comparison today and I, it's so hard not to compare ourselves. So I think this is a great topic with social media and hearing about all the other great things principals are doing.

It can be really hard not to start comparing yourself and thinking what I'm doing is not good enough.

I want to start by talking about why we compare ourselves. Well, first, our brain is wired to protect us, and that results in negative comparison. So our brain automatically defaults to the negative. And so because of that, when we hear something, our brain's trying to protect us. So it goes to that negative.

Feeling of I'm not doing enough. I'm not good enough. And that's also the more that we do that our brain is just wired that way. We have that self critic who's just judging us. , I've done some positive intelligence coaching and they actually call it the judge. We all have this judge that is judging us all day.

Every move that we make, right? Everything we do wrong, our brain is looking for it to just judge us. It's evidence of everything we're doing wrong. And so when we compare ourselves, that judge comes out and it's really strong telling us all the things we should be doing different, all the things we're not doing that we should be doing.

And so that's one reason we compare. Another reason is I think there's a lot of professional pressure out there to have continuous improvement, which is good. We want to keep growing as school leaders, but what is continuous improvement, right? Sometimes I think I looked at continuous improvement as like changing all the time.

And it's not necessarily changing and doing things different all the time, but it's that constant growth and self reflection. So it's all about how we look at what continuous improvement is. And then also in the education system, I know in our area, and I'm sure in most states for public schools, they would publish what our report card grades were for the state.

And all that information is out there for parents. And so, you know, you see other schools that are doing so well and it's hard not to compare ourselves to that. And obviously there's no context to other schools and the demographics and what are all the challenges going on with those schools. You know, you compare schools on a piece of paper and it might look like your school is doing terrible, but that doesn't play into all the growth your school has made or, you You know what challenges your school has gone through that year.

So it can be really hard not to compare yourself when you see those test scores. And then also the desire to just make sure we're serving our students to the best of our ability. I always have this nagging voice in my head of like,, am I doing my best to serve kids? Am I doing my best to serve kids?

And sometimes what that led to is me trying to do more and more and more where that isn't always what's best for kids, even if it's a really good program. Like what is best for kids is consistency and helping our teachers be able to do things in their classrooms that are sustainable and that are practical for kids.

, I talked about sustainable leadership in the last podcast, and I think it's a good topic to think about with teachers too. Like what is sustainable that they can actually do in their classrooms? And are we putting too many things into place because we're constantly comparing what other schools are doing.

And so we just want our school to be better. And then we create these practices that aren't good for everybody. They're not sustainable and it creates stress and just more comparison. The other thing I want you to think about is what happens when we compare and why this is such a problem.

So when we compare ourselves to others, it really leads to decreased job satisfaction. Nobody is happy when you're constantly comparing. Just like I said from Teddy Roosevelt, comparison is the thief of joy. You are stealing all of the joy out of your job. You know, think about why you became a principal in the first place.

I'm sure it wasn't to compare yourself to others, right? When you just, Think about why. It's usually because you wanted to make a difference in some way. You wanted to make a difference in that school. And if you're constantly comparing yourself, you really can't do that. And over time, when we have that negative judge in our brain, that critic, we really, it's going to lead to burnout because we can't do that long term.

That's stress in the body all the time that will lead to chronic stress that will lead to burnout. And the other problem with comparison is we lose our focus on our school's unique needs and strengths. You know, you forget then what's so great about your school because you're so busy looking at other schools and what other principals are doing better that you think the grass is greener on the other side, instead of just thinking I'm in a great place right now.

, so that's important to think about too. Also, when we compare, we usually rush important decisions because we are basing it on what other people are doing. And we want to keep up. I have been guilty of this in my own building where I have made rush decisions that weren't the best for the building because I wanted to keep up with what I thought.

, would make us even better, you know, in a comparison way. So that's really important. Also, you lose your ability to have those small wins to find the progress in your building when you're constantly comparing. And then teachers know when you're doing that. It's really going to impact staff morale when the leader is constantly trying to compare , their building to other buildings, right?

If you're constantly trying to emulate others as a leader and not just Being confident and strong in yourself, it impacts teachers and staff morale when they think they're not doing a good job, they think nothing they do in the building is going to be good enough, and it really is going to create a negative culture.

And then doing too much. We do this where we try to make all of the changes at once and we just can't. That's what happens when we compare. We try to do too much and it fails. That's another hidden cost of comparison. I just want you to think about. All of these things that can happen when we really compare ourselves.

So today I want to talk about how to break free from that comparison. So first I want you to develop awareness of the comparison trigger. So notice when you're comparing, if you're in an admin meeting, maybe for your district or you're in a principals meeting for, , other principals at your level, or you're in some sort of mastermind or you're on social media, Notice when those thoughts come into your brain that are comparison thoughts, like, wow, look at that good thing that they're doing.

I should be doing that. Anytime that you hear yourself saying the word should, you need to get rid of that thought, right? Should is never a good thing to tell ourselves, right? Because what, who knows what we should be doing? , so we don't want to tell ourselves should, but once we get into that comparison, it's easy to do that.

So develop that awareness of those thoughts and then stop internalizing them. The perfect principle narrative. Again, I think with social media and podcasts and all the things that are out there, we see people who are good at leadership. And I was guilty of this as a new principle. And I would think, Oh, there's the perfect principle.

And I'm not that person. And instead of just having confidence that I was doing the best that I could, and I was a strong leader. . But we think there's a perfect principle and I just want to break it to you. Nobody is the perfect principle. There is not one person who's going to go lean in a building, no matter how much experience you have and make every right decision,

there's obviously more principles with experience and things like that. They might have more knowledge, but it doesn't mean they're the perfect principle. You are on your own journey, and so you need to focus on that. So , stop internalizing that perfect principle narrative that that's out there. You know what?

The other area I didn't bring in, but as books, I would read books all the time because I thought this is helping me become a better leader, but I would internalize that perfect principle narrative. And so then I would compare myself to what the book said I should be doing. And if I wasn't doing that or consistent with that, I was beating myself up about it.

So. Drop the narrative. There is no perfect principle. And then practice neutral self talk. , I'm going to share some power phrases at the end, but practice having some neutral thoughts. Like we're all learning and growing things that you can tell yourself when you're struggling with these comparison thoughts.

And acknowledge that every school has its own unique context that you have no idea what that context is. Even if you think you know, if you're not working there, you don't know. You've got the student demographics to think about. What resources do they have? What is their staff experience levels? You know, what are the staff personalities like?

, what are the historical challenges and successes that, that that building has had? You know, what funding do they have available? Maybe they have a lot of fundraisers and more money. You know, you don't know what's going on there. Don't compare your school to another school and then focus on your school's individual growth trajectory.

You just want to focus on where is your school now and where is it going? Focus on just your school and keep thinking about those small wins that you're having and notice when you're having those wins. Look at the data. Look at all the things happening in your building, you know, and see when those wins are happening and compare yourself to yourself, you know, compare your school to your school.

That's all you can do. And when you do that, you actually are setting a target that's actually attainable. So make sure that you're focusing on your own individual school's growth. Create your own success metrics based on what your school community needs. So for us, for example, in my school, I was previously at what we needed was we wanted to improve our reading practices.

We saw that over time. And so instead of focusing on what everyone needs. Everybody else was doing or getting caught up in, you know, we were looking for new curriculums. It was easy to say, Oh, well, this district purchased this curriculum. So we have to have it. We had to think about what was right for our school community.

What did our school community need? What was going to meet the needs of our specific students, our EL population, you know, how many special needs students we had. What did, what did we need for our specific school? So I really want you to focus on that, to break free from comparison, and then really focus on building a positive leadership mindset.

It's going to build your confidence. When you're focusing on the positive and gratitude, it really makes it harder to focus on the negative. So I want you to shift to a more positive leadership mindset. So maintain a gratitude. So some examples of how you can do this, have a gratitude journal and focus on daily wins.

You can do this verbally with someone at school. You can have a journal in your office, but write down three wins you have every day. Focusing on that is going to make a huge difference. I've really focused on gratitude lately, and it has made me so much more happier. I naturally now go throughout the day and I think about things I'm grateful for because I'm rewiring my brain to be more grateful.

So have that gratitude journal. Also connect with mentor principals for genuine sharing, not comparing. So find people that you can share with and not compare. , I've noticed I've been in some groups that there's a lot of comparison happening where people want to one up each other's stories about what's going great in their building.

But I've been in other groups that are just so genuine and people love sharing and supporting each other. So find the group that's right for you that brings that proper amount of support and sharing and then document your school's progress through photos and stories. , you know, there's been a lot out there now where schools are putting themselves on social media

this can be hard because you see other schools and you start to compare yourself. But if you just focus on your school and look at the things you document, the things you put out there, those photos, those stories, it's going to help you appreciate the great things happening in your school and not focusing on others.

And then celebrate improvements. relative to your starting point. Just like I said, look at your own school's growth, but focus on those wins compared to your school and share them with your staff. That's going to bring positivity to your school and help staff morale. Let them know the good things that you're seeing and then share challenges that you're having with a trusted colleague.

Like I said, I worked in a school with multiple elementary principals, so I was able to talk to them and that was very helpful. I had an assistant, there was another elementary principal, , but have people that you can talk to with your challenges and they can help coach you through it. This is where coaching is important too, to have people that you trust.

You can talk to and they can help you reframe your thinking about it. So I really want you to take some time think about why for you personally you're comparing what's causing that and then really focus on these strategies on breaking free from comparison because Once you break free from comparison, you're going to find yourself so much happier and enjoying your job and your journey as a principal.

So I want to end with five power phrases that you can think of when you're struggling with comparison. So the first one, my leadership journey is uniquely mine. I trust my experience instincts and the deep knowledge I have of my school community. Number two, I am exactly where I need to be in my growth as a leader.

The challenges I face today are building the wisdom and resilience I'll need tomorrow. Each step, even the difficult ones, has purpose. It's that range of emotions that we feel as a human. And so if you can embrace the hard that you feel. Eventually you get to embrace the wisdom that you have from those experiences. I think about the hardest experiences I face as a principal, and now I just have the wisdom that came out of those, right?

And I'm so happy that they happened, but in the moment it felt terrible. All right, my third power phrase, my school story is beautifully complex and cannot be reduced to simple comparisons. So I love that. Think about your school having a story that is beautifully complex. Okay. So it's not simple. It's not easy to compare because schools are so complex.

The fourth power phrase, I choose to focus on my school's progress rather than comparing it to others. Every improvement, no matter how small, is moving us forward on our unique path to excellence. And then the fifth power phrase, I lead with authenticity and purpose. My worth as a leader is not measured by social media highlights or others perceived successes, but by the genuine differences I make in my school community every day.

And I'm also going to put those in the show notes. I really want you to think about those power phrases and think about how you can go through your day thinking through them, because if you can shift your mindset from comparison To gratitude and have these phrases where you're focusing on wins and focusing on what's going well in your building You're gonna be such a better leader for others and so much happier yourself So I hope you found some tips in this episode that's helpful If you love the show if you're listening on Apple scroll down in your app and leave a review That helps other people find the show and keep in mind you have the power to shape your life According to the mindset you choose.

I hope you have a great week and I'll see you back here next time