The Principal's Handbook

Three Mindset Shifts for Working with Challenging Teachers
[00:00:00] Well welcome everyone to the Principal's Handbook. In today's episode, we're talking about three mindset shifts for working with challenging teachers. That's all coming up next on the Principal's Handbook.
Welcome to the Principal's Handbook, your go-to resource for principals looking to revamp their leadership approach and prioritize self-care. I'm Barb Flowers, a certified life coach with eight years of experience as an elementary principal. Tune in each week as we delve into strategies for boosting mental resilience, managing time effectively, and nurturing overall wellness.
From tackling daily challenges to maintaining a healthy work life balance. We'll navigate the complexities of school leadership together. Join me in fostering your sense of purpose as a principal and reigniting your passion for the job. Welcome to a podcast where your wellbeing is the top priority.
, welcome to the episode. I'm so happy you're here Today. We are going to be talking about. Three powerful mindset shifts that can change how you [00:01:00] navigate tough staff dynamics. We all have worked with those teachers that come across as very challenging. And it could be from, , resistance to an initiative.
It could be just constant pushback, maybe disengagement or even you can tell that they're just burnt out. And what we're gonna talk about today comes straight from my free quick guide on navigating challenging staff dynamics.
So make sure you download that after listening to this episode. It's completely free, and I give you some tips in there that are going to help. I'm talking today about three mindset shifts. I actually have six mindset shifts in that guide that can be helpful. So I first wanna talk about the problem here.
So we know as principals that adult dynamics can be very difficult. A lot of times for people. It's harder than dealing with student behavior because as a teacher you dealt with student behavior all the time. There's a different dynamic there. But as a principal, you are working with adults and so you have to earn people's respect, but you also wanna keep [00:02:00] a collaborative relationship, right?
So it can be really challenging to have those difficult conversations, but then have a good relationship moving forward. Because I know I'm constantly thinking when I'm having hard conversations, what is the conversation that I need to have so that people don't just shut down from what I'm saying?
Because, I'm a person sometimes that if you say something that. Too harsh, I just shut down and it's really hard for me to improve. So you wanna make sure that you're actually giving them feedback, but you're doing it in a way where you can actually build that relationship stronger. And it sounds like that wouldn't be possible, but it is.
And you do it through having a tough conversation in a way that's more of a coaching conversation. And so we're gonna talk about that a little bit today, but. I just want you to think about how hard it can be when those adult dynamics don't go as you expect or as you think they should go.
Sometimes it's frustrating because you feel like you're doing everything really well as a [00:03:00] principal and then people are constantly pushing back, or you feel like you get people all the resources they need and they're still pushing back. , it could also be that you're a people pleaser, and so it's really hard for you when people are mad.
That was hard as a new administrator for me, I had to, just learn that lesson that people are never going to be happy. , and even when we do all the things and we think we're going to get appreciation, we're probably not. So we have to monitor our expectations as principals. But I wanna talk a little bit about some common pitfalls that principals run into.
And one is, if you take things personally and all these pitfalls, I'm gonna tell you right away, I have been there. But taking things personally can be really hard. And so when somebody says something negative to you and you take it personally. Then that can really shift the, , that can shift your relationship with them.
Another one is you avoid the tough conversation because like I said earlier, you really, the, and this was me as a newer principal, you really think about all the dynamics of the tough conversation and you wanna build that relationship and you wanna support them, [00:04:00] but you don't want to sever the relationship in a negative way.
And so you avoid the tough conversations, or I would even coach myself out of why I, I didn't need to have the tough conversation. So that was a pitfall that I ran into. Another one is judging too quickly. Judging a teacher too quickly before you even understand what's going on, and then being inconsistent.
If you're inconsistent as a leader, it could really fuel challenging teacher dynamics that could come up. Those are some pitfalls. That's a little bit about those adult dynamics. That can be really challenging as a principal. So now I wanna shift to talking about three traps we fall into and how we can reframe that and shift our mindset.
The first trap is taking things personally, and I want you to reframe and instead of thinking. What's wrong with them?
What's wrong with the teacher? I want you to reframe to what might be going on underneath this behavior. And that's really leading with that empathy, that curiosity. Um, a teacher rolling their eyes in a meeting might be [00:05:00] really frustrating, right? You take that personal. And really though it could be burnout, it could be stress at home, it could be frustration.
That really has nothing to do with you. I always think of another example that, you know, I, I, as a principal, once I yawned during a teacher's observation, I was evaluating her and she came down and was so upset that I yawned because she's like, you thought the lesson was terrible? I said it wasn't terrible at all.
I just, you know, at that time I had a baby at home. I'm like, I was up all night with the baby. So, you know, again, it's, as leaders, we need to make sure that we're not taking things personally and knowing what each behavior means. So we wanna lead with curiosity, not judgment. We wanna lead. With trying to understand what's going on versus acting like you actually know.
I remember another time as a new principal, I would get annoyed and label a teacher as defensive. I can think about a teacher who would question a lot of different things in meetings and once I was talking to my assistant about it and he [00:06:00] reframed it for me and actually said. I think it's really from that teacher not understanding.
I don't think they're trying to be difficult. I think they just really are trying to gather understanding from the change and what you're asking them to do, and him saying that and being like an outside perspective helped shift everything. And when I started talking to that teacher from a place of.
Okay, she's got this question. I'm going to answer it because she genuinely wants to know. It helped me not take things personally, and it helped with my stress so much because it was stressful to take things personally. I, you know, it wasn't a good way to lead and I was reacting in that way.
So I want you to try this before, assuming the worst. Pause and ask yourself what might be driving this reaction or what don't I know yet? So lead with curiosity to figure out what's driving that reaction and what you don't know. The second trap is you labeling a teacher as negative or toxic.
, a reframe here is, this is a behavior pattern, [00:07:00] not their whole identity. So I think this is really important when somebody does something that you don't like, even if you see it as a pattern, like I said, a behavior pattern. Remember that person is more than that behavior pattern. Okay? So see the behavior, not the person.
It's just like we do with kids, right? A kid who has outbursts. We have to get to the why. It's the same with teachers. It's so easy to start calling someone the difficult teacher or the negative one, but that label becomes a filter for them. And we stop seeing that teacher as a person, and we stopped seeing any good that they bring to the staff.
And so it's just not a good lens to look at through leadership. So a tip here is to look for evidence that balances the story. So ask yourself, what positive things do I know about this person and when have I seen them support kids? Help a colleague or show dedication? And this might be hard. I will tell you there are sometimes there are teachers that are very negative and it is hard to find that positive, [00:08:00] but.
I'm sure you can find something. Okay. .
By intentionally noticing their strengths, the good things they're doing in their classroom, it really helps you keep your perspective grounded and it helps you be more compassionate as a leader. So really don't get into the trap of labeling people. Just think this is a behavior pattern, not their whole identity.
All right. And the third trap I wanted to talk about today is avoiding them completely. And I see this a lot with principles, and I was guilty of this myself, but I want you to refrain. Most challenging behaviors come from fear, burnout, or past harm. So what I want you to do here is assume there's some story that you don't know, and I've learned this especially with veteran teachers.
Often when I really listened, I uncovered a story. Maybe they had a past administrator that was a micromanager, , or promised them things that never happened. Or did things that they didn't like, didn't treat them in the best way or never got in classrooms. [00:09:00] I don't know, whatever it is, just know that their history and the leaders they've had shape how they show up with you as the current principal.
Okay? So don't assume, don't avoid teachers completely. That can be challenging. Assume there's a story you don't know. And another tip I always give principals that I've used myself and it helps so much, is spend more time with teachers that you find difficult, not less. Okay? So anytime I've found a teacher who pushes back more, , is negative, anything like that I have found, the more time I spend with them, the better our relationship can be.
And it sounds counterintuitive, right? Because automatically you think, okay, if they're negative, I wanna stay away from them. But actually the best way to soften resistance is spending more time with them. Go into their classroom, chat in the hallway, invite them to share ideas, ask their opinion, really listen to them.
But building that relationship often diffuses whatever tension's going on more than any [00:10:00] policy or mandate ever could.
And taking that time with them really goes back to what I talked about before, about getting to know people as a person, getting to know their whole identity. I always felt like if I could know a teacher as a whole person. It helped with relationships so much because , like I said, they're more than that behavior.
They're more than that pattern. And a lot of times teachers that might be challenging or pushback or resistant, I would see them outside of school at an event or something and they were completely different. And so that told me a lot about them as a person, that somewhere there's. Some sort of negative thoughts going on about, or worry or anxiety or insecurity going on about what's happening in the building.
Okay. , and that might not even be from you as the leader. That goes back to not taking it personally. It could be back to, , somebody who was there 10 years ago. You don't know we all have different experiences and we bring those experiences and it really shapes what happens [00:11:00] now.
The other thing I wanna just add on, with these traps that I've seen a lot with teachers is even if a teacher seems like they know a lot or they seem entitled, if they seem like, they're a really good teacher, but just the way they act, it seems like they act kind of full of themselves or.
Like I said, like they know a lot. , sometimes it comes from insecurity and those teachers actually need a lot of positive reinforcement from you. So again, you can't just look at a behavior on the surface level and think you know what is going on.
This is where relationships are key. This is where taking time to get to know your individual teachers is key to having better teacher dynamics in the building because you're going to know the underlying issues. And how you can support them. And I actually go through this and I talk about just one example of the resistant teacher and the free guide, what are things you should say?
What are things you should not say that's going to make it worse? How can you shift your perspective? And I'm gonna share with you now one powerful tool [00:12:00] I use in the free guide, which is Byron Katie's Four questions.
And I love to use this with people because it really helps you change your perspective and that's the whole point of it. So what you do is you introduce the process to check your own thoughts. So you think about the thought that you have. Maybe your thought is this teacher super negative, or this teacher never wants to help out in the building, whatever it is.
Whatever the thought is. Then you question it and you ask yourself, is it true? Can I absolutely know it's true? Because a lot of times we say, yeah, of course it's true. Okay, so can I absolutely know it's true? What evidence maybe do I have that it's not true? And then how do I react when I believe this thought?
So if I have a thought that a teacher doesn't do anything to help out in the building, I probably don't react well. When I see that teacher, I probably don't have a great relationship with them if that's my. Like main thought about them, and then who would I be without that thought? Well, if I didn't have that thought that the teacher doesn't [00:13:00] ever help out in the building, I'd be completely different. That teacher, I actually might be more willing to give them feedback and help out and give them more support, whatever that is. But really think about a thought. Those four questions, is it true? Can I absolutely know it's true? How do I react when I believe that thought and who would I be without that thought?
And then you try to turn that thought around so that you have a different perspective about that person or event that you're thinking about.
A lot of times a thought is not necessarily fact. It's fiction, right? It's not necessarily true, it's just a thought. So I really encourage you to challenge that. And remember that your thoughts, I talk about this a lot. Your thoughts create your emotions, which create your actions.
So if you work on your thoughts, you're going to have better emotions and actions. So this week I want you to just pick one mindset shift to practice in your next tough interaction. And you might not have as many as this episodes [00:14:00] out in the summer, but as you start to go back to school, start thinking about who are those people that maybe you've had tough interactions with that you need to shift your mindset.
Now's the perfect time to really think about who you need to shift your mindset with. And maybe it's just being more curious. Maybe you need to stop judging and just decide. I'm going to be a more curious leader and notice what changes in your leadership. I would love to hear from you.
If you make one of these changes, you can email me at barb@barbflowerscoaching.com. I'd love to hear what changes you made and how it helped also. Again, this is just scratching the surface. Get my free guide, the Quick Guide to Navigating Challenging Teacher Dynamics. It goes deeper into mindset shifts, and it gives you some sample language that you can use and even includes a teacher behavior profile that you can use right away.
So I will have that in the show notes. You can download that, but just remember, it's completely normal for this to be, , a little bit difficult and something that you have to be very [00:15:00] mindful of, right? It's normal to wanna judge versus be curious. We have to shift our mindset about it.
And remember, you don't have to lead alone. That's why I'm here. I'm here for the podcast. I'm here for support. . If you are interested in a free coaching consultation, , you can reach out to me through email, go to my website@barbflowerscoaching.com, schedule free coaching consultation and see if we're a good fit to work together.
But I hope that you found this episode helpful. Like I said, if you try something, send me an email. I'd love to hear about how it goes, and I hope to see you next time.