The Principal's Handbook

Welcome to The Principal's Handbook, your go-to resource for principals looking to revamp their leadership approach and prioritize self-care. I'm Barb Flowers, a certified life coach with eight years of experience as an elementary principal. Tune in each week as we delve into strategies for boosting mental resilience, managing time effectively, and nurturing overall wellness.

From tackling daily challenges to maintaining a healthy work-life balance, we’ll navigate the complexities of school leadership together. Join me in fostering your sense of purpose as a principal and reigniting your passion for the job. Welcome to a podcast where your well-being is the top priority.

Welcome back to the podcast. Today we are going to be talking about why principals struggle with discipline—and how to shift your mindset.

I talk to many principals, and one thing I hear often, depending on your district and whether or not you have an assistant principal, is that discipline can really take over your day. If you’re feeling that way, I just want you to know you’re not alone. Discipline is a huge part of the job, and it can make the work feel very reactive and draining.

But my goal with this episode is to help you think differently about discipline—so you can feel calm and in control of your day without constantly reacting.

A lot of the principals I coach come to me for help with time management. And here’s the thing: a big part of time management is being proactive. But if you’re always reacting to discipline issues, it’s nearly impossible to be proactive. That’s why discipline can become such a major pain point—it cuts into your day and leaves you feeling like you’re not being productive.

Let me give you a little context from my own experience. In one of my previous buildings, I was in an elementary school with about 540 students and had an assistant principal four out of five days a week. I had help with discipline. Now, I’m in a building of around 415 kids, and I’m completely on my own. Nobody else helps with discipline.

It looks different in every building. I’m also now in a high-poverty, schoolwide Title I school, and discipline looks very different than in my last building.

I want you to know—you are not alone. I’ve been there. I am there. I’m a current principal. I get it. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping principals with time management and with discipline systems that don’t just react but actually reduce behaviors in the long run.

The Three Traps Principals Fall Into with Discipline

The first trap is reacting emotionally.
Maybe you get a referral, and before you’ve even heard the full story, you’re already irritated: “Here we go again. Why can’t kids just follow expectations?” I’ve been there. That thought creeps in even when we just went over the rules.

What happens? Your tone shifts. Your body language changes. You carry stress into the conversation. And instead of solving the problem, you can escalate it or miss the root issue.

The way out of this trap is simple but powerful: take 30 seconds. Breathe. Remind yourself, I’m here to lead, not react. Anchor yourself with a phrase:

“Focus on facts, not fiction.”

“Kids are kids—they’re learning, and I’m here to help.”

These anchor thoughts stop the cycle of frustration so you can approach discipline with clarity instead of emotion.

The second trap is taking behavior personally.
Maybe a student says something that feels disrespectful, or you tell yourself: “I’m not good at discipline. My school doesn’t run well. Teachers send me everything.” Those are stories your brain creates.

The truth? Student behavior isn’t about you. It’s about the student learning a skill they don’t have yet. Reframe the thought:

“This isn’t about me.”

“This student is practicing a skill they haven’t mastered yet.”

Ask yourself: Am I showing up as the calm leader, or the offended adult? Because I’ve been the offended adult—and it doesn’t help.

The third trap is rushing to consequences.
As principals, we feel pressure to act quickly. I know as a new principal, I sometimes handed out harsh consequences just to be efficient—detentions, in-school restrictions—only to regret them later.

Here’s the truth: you have to live with the consequences you give. Parents or teachers may disagree, but you need to know that your decisions align with your values and are appropriate for the situation.

Ask yourself:

Am I solving the problem, or just silencing it for today?

Does this consequence create accountability and help the student learn, or just end the conversation?

Remember: clarity first, consequence second.

A Personal Story

In one of my buildings, I worked with an assistant principal who loved discipline. He told me he saw it as solving a puzzle—listening to all sides, getting to the root, and finding a fair resolution. At first, I thought, That’s crazy! But then I realized—it wasn’t discipline itself that was draining me. It was my thoughts about it.

He thought: “This is problem-solving.”
I thought: “This is draining.”

Both thoughts were true—for each of us. That was a huge shift for me. Now, I don’t dread discipline. I don’t love it, but I approach it with a more neutral mindset.

Mindset Shifts for Discipline

Focus on Facts, Not Fiction

Mindset: Every behavior has a backstory.

Affirmation: “I lead with clarity, not assumptions.”

Invest Time Upfront

Mindset: The time I invest now is time I earn back later.

Affirmation: “A few intentional minutes today can prevent hours of chaos tomorrow.”

Consequences Are Care

Mindset: Boundaries are structure and safety, not punishment.

Affirmation: “Clear boundaries are a form of love and leadership.”

Let It Go at the End of the Day

Mindset: I can’t control everything.

Affirmation: “I release what I cannot control and trust the process.”

Final Thoughts

Even experienced principals can fall into negative spirals when it comes to discipline. But remember: what you can control is your mindset. Your thoughts shape your emotions, which shape your actions, which shape your outcomes.

If you want to go deeper into this work, check out The Principal’s Discipline Blueprint. In it, I share practical strategies and mindset shifts to help you feel calm, confident, and clear when handling discipline.

And if you’re listening on Apple Podcasts, please scroll down and leave a review—that’s how more principals find this show.

Remember: you have the power to shape your leadership through the mindset you choose.

I hope you have a great week, and I’ll see you back here next time.