The Principal's Handbook

Connecting with Challenging Teachers: Strategies for Principals
[00:00:00] In today's episode. I want to talk about what to do when you're not connecting with your teachers.
That's all coming up next, right here on the principals handbook. Stay tuned.
Welcome to the Principal's Handbook, your go to resource for principals looking to revamp their leadership approach and prioritize self care. I'm Barb Flowers, a certified life coach with eight years of experience as an elementary principal. Tune in each week as we delve into strategies for boosting mental resilience, managing time effectively, and nurturing overall wellness.
From tackling daily challenges to maintaining a healthy work life balance, I'm Barb Flowers. We'll navigate the complexities of school leadership together. Join me in fostering your sense of purpose as a principal and reigniting your passion for the job. Welcome to a podcast where your wellbeing is the top priority.
Welcome back to the podcast today. We're going to be talking about what to do when you're not connecting with your teachers. And as a principal, sometimes you might have a hard time connecting [00:01:00] with either your staff of teachers or maybe it's just certain teachers are hard to connect with and that can be a really difficult place to be in.
, so today I want to have a conversation about how you can connect with those teachers that are hard to connect with. And like I said, you could use this , if you're thinking of one teacher or if you're thinking of. Maybe a new staff that you have, or a newer group of teachers you have.
However you want to look at it. It'll work. In any of those scenarios, but in leadership we can think of our staff, just like we did when we were in the classroom as teachers. I know we talk about that a lot as principals is that we look at our staff just like our classroom. And I know as a teacher, I loved all of my students so much.
I built strong connections with them. I cared about them so deeply. And there were students that were harder to connect with it. Typically wasn't students who were behaviors, because those students, you were constantly having those conversations with and building rapport. It was more [00:02:00] often students who were really quiet or students who had a hard time opening up to you.
Sometimes it might be a student who's not necessarily a behavior, but maybe they always have something to say. , after you give a direction or they can be confrontational. Everybody has a different personality.
And sometimes there are personalities that for you, it's harder to connect with. So you really have to know yourself. And know what those personalities are. And as a principal, it can be the same that there are teachers that you might not connect with because of their personality and your personality.
And when that happens,
it's really important that you're aware that's happening. I find it really interesting because if you think about this and maybe this is just me, but when we think about as a classroom teacher with kids will do anything to figure out what it takes to connect with them.
But sometimes as adults, when we're having a hard time connecting with other adults, We think it's the other person. And I'm saying this from experience and as someone who has done this [00:03:00] myself, I just want you to be aware if you're doing that where you're constantly thinking you're not connecting with people because of the other person.
And we really need to be thinking about what is going on with us in that situation.
If we're having those negative thoughts about a person or group of people. I'm going to use the example when I recently, when I decided to leave my job as a principal, And become a full-time coach. I, um, I just made this decision early on in my last school year. I actually had made this decision and had announced it, I think by February, , which we were going to school until June.
So we still had a couple of months and I felt strongly that I wanted to announce it early because my assistant was going to be taking over. And I just wanted to get things in place that people knew what was happening and, give him those opportunities to make decisions for the next year. So I was happy that I made that choice. But there was a lot of time before the end of the year that it just felt weird to me knowing that I wasn't coming back [00:04:00] the next year. And there were a couple of things that happened that I remember sharing with a friend that I felt like people were acting weird around me.
I'm like, I feel people are acting weird that I'm not coming back and we've been really good friends or colleagues. And it's just weird now. And it was so funny because this person I was talking to, we have been friends for many years and she just pointed out to me that I bet the person who's being weird is you, it's not them.
It's you? Because of , what you're thinking about leaving. And when I reflected on that, I thought. That is so true. I'm the one who has all of these thoughts about me leaving. Of course people probably have thoughts about it, but not as many thoughts as I had myself about me not coming back the next year.
And so me being in my own brain going on and on in my brain about, I'm not going to be back. This is going to be weird. I want to do this, but I'm not going to be there next year. So that seems weird to do that. Just all of these different things made me weird . [00:05:00] Just different towards people.
I wasn't my normal self. I wasn't making the connections that I normally would. And once she pointed that out to me, it was so great because I realized I was the problem. And so then I was able to fix it. I was able to connect back with my colleagues. Like nothing had ever happened because I had to change my thinking about what was happening.
, and so I think that is just a great example of. Me thinking that everybody else is the problem. That was not the case at all. So I just say that as a way for you to reflect, if you're not connecting with someone. I want you to really think about. Who's the problem and the situation. , And I'm not saying that maybe the other person doesn't have a part in that, but I just want you to think about that.
So today I want to share three ways to help you connect with either individual staff members or an entire staff. And so these three key strategies are really going to help you connect with those hard to reach teachers.
The first strategy I want to share is get curious about your thoughts. [00:06:00] Acknowledge what your own biases are about the situation. So start thinking and being honest with yourself about what are your thoughts and feelings towards that specific person or that group of people, do you have a bias towards your staff?
Do you have a bias towards even a grade level on your staff? It's human nature to have these unconscious bias going on? But , you have the job of becoming aware of what they are so that you can manage them more effectively. So ask yourself, what assumptions am I making here? What stories am I creating about this person?
Because what happens is we have a thought about someone or a group of people. And then we create all these stories in our brain that aren't true. They're not facts, which we'll talk about in a second, but they're stories that we create about what people are thinking and why they're doing something.
And it's all. All a made up story in our head. Which goes with the next thing to think about when you're getting curious about your thoughts , are the thoughts and the stories you're telling yourself [00:07:00] are they fact or fiction? So this is something I often tell clients think about that is that factor fiction. Often our negative thoughts are coming from our own interpretations and our own thoughts versus what's actual real.
And what is true fact. So for example, you might think. They don't respect me as a leader. And you have these thoughts that this group of teachers or this teacher doesn't respect me as a leader. When you actually have no idea, if that teacher respects you as a leader, they might be going through their own personal things that you don't know about.
So you really need to identify what those thoughts are that are causing you to kind of spiral and not connect with that specific teacher or group of teachers. And ask yourself, is this a fact or is it fiction that I'm telling myself. Also, I want to encourage you to challenge your perspective.
So once you've identified what the fictional thought is, so you've identified a thought, that's not true. Constantly challenged them. Because we [00:08:00] aren't necessarily going to stop these negative thoughts from coming up, but
you get to decide if you're going to jump on the train and believe that thought, or you get to decide, you're just going to watch that thought go by and you're going to ignore it. So you have to make sure that you're really challenging that perspective of fact and fiction with those thoughts, with the stories that you're telling yourself about what's going on with the teachers.
And if you need to get feedback from a trusted colleague, like I said, talking to my friend, She pointed out my bias that I didn't even know I was unconscious of all the thoughts I was having. And she could see it so clearly because she was an outsider looking in and sometimes that happens. That's why coaching is so amazing because your coach is able to see thoughts that you didn't even know you were thinking.
, getting outside feedback is really helpful. Another tip I have when you're struggling with a staff member or a group of people is to spend more time with them. Be intentional, make it a point to engage with them more frequently.
It doesn't have to be formal. It could just be casual [00:09:00] hallway conversations. It could be checking in with them after a staff meeting or, , stopping by their room to have a conversation with them , to break the ice. I've noticed that if there's a teacher, I don't feel like I connect with it's easy to like. Not seek them out and not go talk to them as much.
And I want to tell you that those teachers who are maybe difficult to deal with, or you're not connecting with them, you want to spend more time with them. Of course, there's fun. Teachers who love everything you're doing, and it's easy to be around them. And it's easy to spend time with them. Those aren't the teachers that need you to spend time with them. So make sure that you're being intentional and finding time. With those teachers that you're not connecting with as much.
And when you do find that time to be with them, Be an active listener, showed genuine interest in what they're talking about. Ask open-ended questions. Ask them questions about their classroom. What's been going well. Is there anything I can do to better support you this week? People will open up to you if they [00:10:00] feel heard and valued. And show consistency.
Don't expect immediate results that you're going to start talking to them and coming to classrooms and being more intentional and right away, your relationship's just going to change. Be consistent. , you might not even notice the change because it happens slowly over time. But over time, it does reduce tension.
You do build that connection and you do start to build trust, but you have to put in the work and it has to be consistent and then just pay attention to how they interact with other colleagues or students. Maybe that teacher you're having a hard time connecting with is just introverted. I remember being a new teacher and
I did not seek out my principal to have conversations with them. It's not because I didn't like them. . He was amazing. I really respected him. It's just because I always still associated, , he's my boss. If I have to talk to him, it's probably not good. , And so I tried to handle things on my own and that's something I've seen a lot with new teachers is sometimes they can be harder to connect with and we really have to be intentional with those interactions [00:11:00] because. I think I'm easy to talk to.
I think I'm approachable, but with newer teachers, they have those worries that you're my boss or my principal. And they're afraid to open up to you. So just know that, and you might have to be more intentional, but then you might get a new teacher who's super outgoing and it's very easy for them to connect with you.
Pay attention to what their personalities are like to make sure you're spending time with them. You're being consistent and you're really being present when you're with them. And then my last strategy for you is to focus on supporting them. So instead of thinking, there's this teacher that you're not connecting with.
And so you kind of disconnect you disengage. You need to find out, maybe they have something that they need help with, but they're afraid to ask you because , if you're their principal and their evaluator, they might be afraid to ask for help. And so you could ask them directly, how can I best support you right now?
What do you need from me? , and this could open up dialogue and allow them to express anything that they need from you. They might not though. They might need something and [00:12:00] not be willing to say it. And so you might have to, , really over time dig and keep asking that question to figure out what they need and the more you're in their classroom too, you might figure that out as well.
And also have empathy for them. When a teacher is difficult, maybe difficult to connect with. It's easy to have judgment about why it's them, what's wrong with them. And instead of judging them, have empathy for them. Consider why they might be hard to connect with, think about what they could be struggling with, or if it's a difficult teacher, if they question everything and they make it where you really don't want to talk to them, have empathy about that.
Maybe there's a reason they question everything maybe in the past they felt like they haven't been heard. Really have empathy for them instead of judging them. And that's going to help you approach that in a supportive environment versus coming at them and having more disconnection. And then make sure you're keeping in mind that different people, different staff members. Need [00:13:00] different types of support.
So for example, a veteran teacher, they might value , having more autonomy, being given leadership roles, you know, that might be what they need while a newer teacher might need your guidance or mentorship, more time to connect with you and have those conversations. Really tailor and make your leadership match.
What your teachers and staff truly mean. And then another reason that teachers might feel disconnected, that you can help and really support them. Are providing opportunities for them to grow. Sometimes I've seen with teachers who have been there a long time. They seem like they're not really as engaged in the school and what they need are leadership opportunities.
You know, you have teachers who naturally step up and might take over and do all those leadership things that other teachers won't and that's great. But there are teachers who are more quiet, who could be great leaders. And I think when you start to encourage them to lead and you bring that out in them a little bit, then they get excited and it kind of refreshes them a little bit because [00:14:00] sometimes teachers need push to see that they have leadership abilities. There are teachers who are natural leaders that people can see from far away.
And then there are teachers who are quiet, doing great things, and then you put them in a leadership role and they're amazing. They just didn't know it. So they need those opportunities to grow and lead. So that might be another way to help a teacher. Who's hard to connect with. So just as we go back through this, I just want to highlight those three key strategies for connecting with hard to reach teachers, get curious about your own thoughts about them.
Spend more time with them and focus on supporting them. By applying these strategies, you're going to be doing more than just addressing that surface level issue. , you're going to be creating a culture of connection of growth trust, and ultimately it's going to help staff engage with you more, and it's going to help you to be. a better leader.
So I hope that you found those tips helpful today. If you love the show, if you're listening on apple, scroll down and leave a review. That's how people find the podcasts. Keep in [00:15:00] mind, you have the power to shape your life.
According to the mindset you choose. I hope you have a great week and I'll see you back here next time.
Mhm. Mhm.